When you did that
When you spoke about going away
So easily
A little bit of me closed off
Didn’t die
Just retreated inside
I cried and I cried
I felt so deep

You said
Have your feelings for me changed?
I couldn’t answer
Lately I need quiet
Lately I didn’t need
So many words
With you

I just wanted to lay down
With you and I
Lay my head on your chest
I feel your arms around me
So comforting
Here I am safe
I’m never bored

You were there with me
Sometimes
When I was
In the depths of hell
Crying for
My lost soul
The parts of me I left behind
I could never share with you
Or maybe I will

I said
I’m not a woman any more
He took all that from me
Did I lose all that?

You said no
You are, you are!
You’re beautiful
I love you

My heart leaps when you
Say this to me
Like it didn’t when
Anyone said it to me
Before.
I said

Home is in your arms
That might be my new song
It’s a boring title
Maybe, no?
You say:

“No
It isn’t.
Really,
I like it”

©GS

My own fear of abandonment.  Something I had to face.  This deep vulnerability, that left me always leaving first,  Until I find real love.  Then this really hurts to face the risk of loss.  To love yourself when you are alone, is a start,  Only then can I feel home.

Surviving rape shatters deep parts of you that really hurt to try to put together.  To be with someone who is prepared to sit with you through the pain.  When I have felt so worthless, to hear “I love you,”  from someone who really means it, is incredible to me.

–

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