Rape Committee

Rape Committee

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Try to completely besmirch my name
You think I’m gonna move out
Because I’m so ashamed?
Think I’m gonna give up cos you
Victim blamed?
Raped in my house
You shout
You bully
You accuse
Now refuse to meet
Because “she’s too rude”
You mean too true
Too factual
Too corroborated by evidence
Unlike you
Anything to ensure
The boss is not
Confronted
With the terms of
Your cost
Your gross misconduct
Your appalling
Deplorable
Incompetence
Negligence
And breach of trust
Your failure to meet
Contract
Policy
Morality
Devoid of kindness
Care
Or respect
Now you turn the tables
Accuse the victim of anything
To deflect the spotlight on truth
Ignore evidence and
You have nothing
But other bullies
To cover for you
You don’t care about my injuries
My trauma
My truth
You don’t care about two hours of torture
And multiple assaults
While I was working for you
You don’t care about my written proof

Punish and shaming victims
Instead of doing what you
Are meant to do

That no one can see through
Your callous heartless dangerous games?
The lies were all on your side
The lies because you couldn’t be bothered to try
You, workshy
Who never read a book on trauma ever
Your despicable lies
Your undermining
Your betrayal
Your refusal to see justice
You cover up
Your whitewash
Your never ending bullying of all and any who dissent
Your sugary, slippery nastiness
Your creaming round your own authority
Your crushing of vulnerability
Your vicious wicked lies about me
Your claims of fairness, honesty
Integrity
And transparency
The laughability
Your desperation to crush
All and any who hold reality to you
A mirror for all to see
People walking out of meetings crying
And you still can’t see
You are the root of your own problem
It is not about me

©GS

Authorities that cover up for rapists or sexual predators and shout survivors down and crush our voices, are part of rape culture. The worst ones are usually those that claim to have a remit to help us, but do the opposite. Millions of funds that could be going to support survivors and stop rape, are being wasted on the wages and funds to officials who are misogynistic and have no interest in our safety or supporting us. There are those who have every interest in silencing women who speak out about sexual violence. Particularly cases they would rather do not see the light of day. Especially if they or someone involved are associated with the perpetrator. If the truth came out, the individuals concerned, see a threat to their job, social position or even their freedom, being that perverting the course justice and harassment are criminal offences.

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Keep Writing

Keep Writing

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We keep writing out the silences
Hoping for a remission
In this constant oppression
Me and my sisters
Report men’s crimes
Like it’s our own confession
Still we live with this daily suppression
Police say things like
You liked him
By your own admission
By your manner and your
Underwear
You gave him permission
I cannot live in this
Derogatory rule
The one that taught me
I am secondary
Since before school
You are a minor
Then you are a female
be good and respectable
This includes
A blind eye to abuse
A woman’s truth
Eradication of my youth
& My right to choose
My right to refuse
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We keep writing out the silences
Speaking out
And paying the price for it
Those saying I am not nice for it
Those saying I am full of lies for it
We have evidence to back up our
Meticulous truth
The brutes have only
Their brutality
Their numbers and
The so -called legal system
in all it’s glory
Their ignorance and dismissal
Of trauma
and injury
Their deliberate blind stupidity
Determination to silence us
no matter the violence
Keep racking up our sufferance
We already extended our tolerance
Beyond all
What normality
Could comprehend
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Rape is a hate crime
Not an I can’t wait crime
It is a crime of anger
Bitterness of entitled men
Who refuse to regard
Certain of us as human
And their sleazeball
Cowardly friends
Who lie for them
and back them.
Desire for
what he thinks
he can’t have

A woman or girl leaves the
Situation distressed
Dishevelled
Feeling like hell
Because of how he,
the perpetrator
treated her.
Who scorned
And unleashed contempt
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Then one day
When a kind man
Held me in his arms
I didn’t know
What it was like
To be with someone
Who respected my no
Who cares enough
It mattered to him
Without an argument
Without coercion,
Rage
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I keep writing the truth on every page

©GS

I, You

I, You

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Am I finished
Have I lost who I was?
Am I gone
Was I cut up?
I don’t make sense any more
Can you see me
Am I whole?
Do you think less of me
Am I human
Do I have a soul still?
Am I shattered
Am I defiled
Am I soiled
Am I barren
Am I devastated
Have I lost my desirability?
My mojo
My zest
My attraction
My sweetness
My light?
My music

For so
Many months
I could not touch my own body
After rape
Have they bled me dry
Did he finish me?
Waste me
Did he succeed
To violate me to
Oblivion?
Space.
Am I in a graveyard
Am I gone?
Could you still
Love me like
This,
Do you, still, could
You?
Could you take me in
Your arms and
Not see the damage?
What do you see?

I said
Do you think less of me?
You said,
Because of what happened? No
If anything I think more of you.
How can this be ?
Sometimes I think
Am I charity
Am I worthy?
Can I say,  I love you
Am I less?
Am I equal
Can I be?
Can I find peace  after
This devastation
Am I allowed to ?
Why did I have to go through this?

A  perpetrator can’t do time, no
He can leave destruction  in his wake
And no one disturbs his day
He never faced prison
Did he even take a day off work?
No hospital
No examination room
No prophylactic drugs given
Too late
No waiting for results of HIV
No racking your brains for where to live safely
How to live in fear
How to avoid every man who comes near
Now that I can’t even look one in the eye
Did I die?
What about my time
Am I a whore?
Marked
Why did I go through
This punishment?
No one could save me
Why did I deserve this year of
exile to hell?
After something someone chose
To do
and silenced
Stonewalled

You, my trusted friend,
You sat there with me
Listening
When I cried
You sometimes said nothing
You believed in me
When I thought
I had already died
You held onto me  when
I spoke out
I  objected
That an assailant’s desires
And anger came
Before my rights
Before mine
Override everything I had.
They can take a woman
And just dismiss her
Say she wanted what he just took
Doesn’t even count that she said
No
She Is injured and devastated
Throwing up, bleeding
and she was
Celibate
Yes

You were the first one to say
“Guys who do this,
Why should it be
Kept a secret?”

You drove me
Down to the sea
Sit quietly
While I weep
All this, can you
Stomach it
Is it part of me?

I won’t dump it on you
But where does it go?
I feel like you helped me shovel it away
All that shit that covered me
And doesn’t belong on me
Or anywhere here
But leaves it’s smear
How do you look me in the face,
Eat breakfast with me?
Sip coffee
Put your arms around me?
Tell me you’re proud
Let your cat climb on me
Let him loose with me
Tell me you trust me
Play music with me
Cry with me
How do you do these things?
Let me in your house
Even when you’re out
These things mean a lot
I wake in the night
Aching for you
And something I never tell you
It doesn’t go away
When I realise
And I’m still
Cut up inside
There were moments of peace
where I felt truly alive still
With you I can breathe
I feel free
I think,  can I, how can?
Would you
Could you
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©GS

#AnnaJuliet #GirlSurvivor #BelieveHer #BreaktheSilence

When all the Misfits

When all the Misfits

💖 You don’t have to rise above anything
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When all the misfits
Come together
and speak about feeling apart

When all of us
Say what is in our heart
We make truth
We make art

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Even when
everything is gone
You feel weak
you carry on

You are courageous
You are strong
Speak out
Or don’t speak out
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It is up to you
it’s your shout

You owe nobody
Your story
Your account
Your words
Your report
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You know
You can share
or not share
what you survived

You’re amazing
You are enough
You are here
through all the fear
and all the doubt
all the pain
all the hell
when you thought
you’d never see
the other side
Realise
what you’ve achieved,
You’re alive

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©GS

If you feel like an outsider, trust me, you are not alone. You belong.    You deserve to be heard. If you have been ostracised for speaking out, or told off because you didn’t- or how, or when you did,   I salute you- for still being here and keeping going as best you can.  You are immense. Nobody has the right to diminish you.  Survivors’ healing is impaired by the bullying we can experience when most of all we need support- You should expect to be listened to and treated with respect and care.  You don’t have to put up with being shouted at, mocked , doubted or harassed when you reach out.  Women and girls’ accounts and reports matter-   It’s time we demand our voice has equal place, in this system that has silenced us for so long. ©GS

Photos with thanks to Zukuri and Constance Keenan
“You don’t have to rise above anything” .. kind comment from activist and poet Musa Owkonga

#WhenalltheMisfits #BreakTHeSilence #GirlSurvivor #RapeSurvivor #MeToo #BelieveHer #NoMore