Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like Talking

Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like Talking

Sometimes I don’t feel like talking
Sometimes I wanna be quiet
I’m not hostile
Because I didn’t smile
Touch me when I don’t want
That is hostile
Impose upon me when
I said no
That is hostile
I try to defend myself
You say I’m rude
Aggressive
You even say it’s abuse
Yet all those things
Man did:
You excuse
He said she consented
It must be true

Did you ask me
What I wanted
It’s my body
I said no
I said no
I said no
Put me under duress
Then say I accept
I didn’t
You didn’t read me my rights
I had no counsel
No time
Nobody to describe my plight
No way to understand
How frightened
How terrorised
How unable to move
Or take flight

They told me
to make my statement
lying down
Because of the pain
Of the injuries
He caused to my body
I could not sit up
I could barely speak
Yet you say that
Is normality
I am so full of grief
Sometimes I don’t want to eat
I forgot for weeks
The first month
I survived on coffee
I could not sleep
I lay on the floor
Where I would have been
At his feet
I could not disrobe
As I could not bear
To touch my own body

A policeman called
He yelled at me
I was on the floor
Crying
It was just after dawn
He yells
I AM NOT INTERESTED
IN YOUR FEELINGS
Give me your evidence!
Now!
If you have any

I wept
No
I can’t
It hurts to speak
I am on the floor
I’ve been here
All night
Crying since five
I can’t think straight
I am too weak
I am in pain
I can’t
He shouts

YES
YOU
CAN

Are you going to co- operate?
Do you want us to investigate?
We listened to you for FOUR HOURS you took FOUR HOURS on video
Nobody takes FOUR HOURS!

I was silent
he said
Right
I’m not going to allow you to give any more evidence
It is finished
We have enough
For us
I know this means
Enough to shut you up
Enough
To stuff you up
Enough
To let the rapist off
He yells again
We are talking to HIS friends
He says he has more to Show us
I says what?
He goads
“I can’t tell you that…”

Police are like a gang
with the perpetrator
I can’t explain
This terror

I have no more breath
I try to ring my next appointment
I picked up the phone and all that
Came out were sobs and screams
And tears
I could not speak any more
It was just the hairdresser
He said Oh oh
Call the doctor
I said it’s ok
I’m not ill
Just scared
Just scared
That’s all.
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©GS
🦋

#AnnaJuliet #GirlSurvivor #RapeSurvivor #BelieveHer #NoMore #StopRape #BreakThe Silence #DontBeSilenced #AbuseSurvivor #WomensLivesMatter #GirlsLivesMatter #PoliceBrutality #InstitutionalMisogyny #EndVictimShaming

Keep Writing

Keep Writing

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We keep writing out the silences
Hoping for a remission
In this constant oppression
Me and my sisters
Report men’s crimes
Like it’s our own confession
Still we live with this daily suppression
Police say things like
You liked him
By your own admission
By your manner and your
Underwear
You gave him permission
I cannot live in this
Derogatory rule
The one that taught me
I am secondary
Since before school
You are a minor
Then you are a female
be good and respectable
This includes
A blind eye to abuse
A woman’s truth
Eradication of my youth
& My right to choose
My right to refuse
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We keep writing out the silences
Speaking out
And paying the price for it
Those saying I am not nice for it
Those saying I am full of lies for it
We have evidence to back up our
Meticulous truth
The brutes have only
Their brutality
Their numbers and
The so -called legal system
in all it’s glory
Their ignorance and dismissal
Of trauma
and injury
Their deliberate blind stupidity
Determination to silence us
no matter the violence
Keep racking up our sufferance
We already extended our tolerance
Beyond all
What normality
Could comprehend
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Rape is a hate crime
Not an I can’t wait crime
It is a crime of anger
Bitterness of entitled men
Who refuse to regard
Certain of us as human
And their sleazeball
Cowardly friends
Who lie for them
and back them.
Desire for
what he thinks
he can’t have

A woman or girl leaves the
Situation distressed
Dishevelled
Feeling like hell
Because of how he,
the perpetrator
treated her.
Who scorned
And unleashed contempt
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Then one day
When a kind man
Held me in his arms
I didn’t know
What it was like
To be with someone
Who respected my no
Who cares enough
It mattered to him
Without an argument
Without coercion,
Rage
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I keep writing the truth on every page

©GS

When all the Misfits

When all the Misfits

💖 You don’t have to rise above anything
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When all the misfits
Come together
and speak about feeling apart

When all of us
Say what is in our heart
We make truth
We make art

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Even when
everything is gone
You feel weak
you carry on

You are courageous
You are strong
Speak out
Or don’t speak out
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It is up to you
it’s your shout

You owe nobody
Your story
Your account
Your words
Your report
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You know
You can share
or not share
what you survived

You’re amazing
You are enough
You are here
through all the fear
and all the doubt
all the pain
all the hell
when you thought
you’d never see
the other side
Realise
what you’ve achieved,
You’re alive

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©GS

If you feel like an outsider, trust me, you are not alone. You belong.    You deserve to be heard. If you have been ostracised for speaking out, or told off because you didn’t- or how, or when you did,   I salute you- for still being here and keeping going as best you can.  You are immense. Nobody has the right to diminish you.  Survivors’ healing is impaired by the bullying we can experience when most of all we need support- You should expect to be listened to and treated with respect and care.  You don’t have to put up with being shouted at, mocked , doubted or harassed when you reach out.  Women and girls’ accounts and reports matter-   It’s time we demand our voice has equal place, in this system that has silenced us for so long. ©GS

Photos with thanks to Zukuri and Constance Keenan
“You don’t have to rise above anything” .. kind comment from activist and poet Musa Owkonga

#WhenalltheMisfits #BreakTHeSilence #GirlSurvivor #RapeSurvivor #MeToo #BelieveHer #NoMore